bicyclesxx

come to some conclusions

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 04:27:27 GMT

I have realized all I do is listen to people and try and make them feel better. I never talk to people about my problems. I talk to Jane* about a lot of her stupid fucking problems about a guy who doesn't even like her. I don't care about your problems but I listen anyways because I try and make her feel better, in hopes that she will like me more than that we can be friends because I don't have a lot. On the other hand, I listen a lot to Kara* and her issues , I don't like calling hem issues but I don't have any other word for it. I guess I have just gotten used to the fact that all I do is just sit there and listen to people talk at me. I never talk about myself because I don't want people to think I am annoying but people think that anyways. I don't know why I don't do anything about it and I don't know how to express this feeling any other way and it's getting redundant. I try too hard to listen and make other people feel better , other than trying to better myself. I try too hard to make other people feel better in hopes that they will like me more or be my friend. I don't talk about myself because I don't want to make the other person feel like I don't care about them. I need to get high. Maybe tomorrow?

p.s First wake and bake on Friday , I enjoyed that. I went to first block and I just sat there and giggled. I wanted to do coke on Friday but the people we were supposed to get it from dicked us over , and the other person couldn't get a hold of the person who had it. We got two carton's of cigarettes instead. I got Marlboro Menthol, and Kim got Marlboro Red's or whatever you want to call them. I had a good time on Friday, even though it didn't go exactly like we had wanted it to. It will happen sooner than later. I didn't do anything Saturday night, I had fun though. I had some 'Me Time'. My dad got a small tripod for our camera's[ i got one for Hanukkah and he had the same one. I also got 'Uggs' for Hanukkah] Kim spent Hanukkah with us this year. So with my tripod I took some pictures and some videos.

I remain,
gennaCIDE.

Playing: Tiny Vessels- Death Cab for Cutie.

vent

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 04:10:03 GMT

I think i push people away too much, and sometimes I can't cope with that and I get really upset. I am really happy with some things at the moment. I respect the fact that people have a lot of respect for me, at least I think so. I talked to him, while drunk, and managed to save the conversation. I really like him a lot, and the part that made me so upset was the fact that he said he didn't like me as much as he used to. That tore me apart, I'm not gonna lie. All i hoped was to be with someone who makes me happy. I thought I found that but he obviously wasn't down with that. I've been smoking a lot, I enjoy being high, and not feeling anything or any pressure or stress of anything else. All I've been wanting to do is go smoke and I feel that it's really lame that I get high to relieve the stress and to get away from everything else , but for me , it works. I heard that coke makes you loose weight, so hello Friday. I hate spending my money , but for drugs and cigarettes, it's lately been totally worth it. I hope thing progress with him in the long run because I am happy when I'm with him. [The few times that I have.] I really miss Kim and especially the fact that I can't be with her 24/7. But, we are celebrating Kwanza. But yeah, all I want for Hanukkah is drug money. It's terrible but I can't live without the stuff. If you're going to think I think I'm awesome because I do drugs, I don't. I just use it as a gateway for my stress and it work's for me.

I Remain,
Genna 'Mittens' Samantha Strauss.

a

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 02:20:05 GMT

out of all the wishes i make about him , they arent going to come true.

be mine.

gawa

Sat, 18 Nov 2006 21:24:00 GMT

so things have been confusing me alot lately and i guess i saw this coming. i dont know how to handle this situation. atleast today will be really good , lolx its 4:20PM right now . yay i cant wait for 420!!!! havent been sober in like 3 weeeks , oh wellllllllllll. its beenn fun . today im walking around with kim and sitting in a park drinking tea and heavily smoking cigarettes , cant wait. buying a carton?????? yeahh true dat , we just need someone to get them for us. i want some new shoes , and my sidekick in january.

iiii

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 01:06:30 GMT

i dont care about anything anymore and it really is scaring me. its just a feeling i cant take right now . no one likes me anymore and i have no friends

all i want to do is be high and forget about anything . all ive ever wanted is one best friend who i hangout with everyday . i love kim and i always will be she cant always be in havertown when i need her the most . just someone to lean on or someone to have there when i need her . she usually is here but right now when i need her the most i cant have her . i really am not happy .

drugs

so holler at that

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 01:25:31 GMT

so yeah , i quit smoking . this is going to be hard . halloweeenie was so much fun. i went trickotreating as a cowgirl with : dana mariah christen courtney jason bob mike stockton , skinny jack, and zack , i am not sure if ryan came but yeah . so most of a name by monday hahaha. gwakgwakgwak . i got lots of candy and ryan and skinny jack played an acoustic set and that was good. fav costume of the night :: stockton as susie in the moo moo

yeah so i would gladly appreciate it if people would stop calling me names , its getting old and i really dont like it . uh thanks

haha

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 19:11:09 GMT

yesterday and last night , oo la la .

so i had a shitty day but thats alright . yeah so i went to the skatepark , met up with mariah dana anna courtney jason stockton zack and mike and bob and more people. then we got cold and met up with tom wing . then got cigarettes and walked to the skatepark , we got cold again and then decided to go to my house. originally it was me dana anna tom wing and mariah. but in the end , it was , me , anna , dana, mariah , zack , stockton , jason, courtney , mike , bob , kari , pat africa , kyle , and some other kid that i didnt know. we had a dance party for a while and had alot of fun , then steve showed up , 11:00 rolled around and my parents got home and everyone had to leave . then me and steve drove around then went to the park :)

yeah , thats all. it was a good night . then today is mom-moms birthday and im not allowed out . oh wellllllll!!!!!!!!!

i applied at urban outfitters today , prob not gonna work there but w.e its wortha try.

yeah , peacye

ait . mit

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 02:23:14 GMT

amazing as uge . anywho i love room 614 and everything about it . frozen undies holla

the

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 00:15:41 GMT

bullshit never stops. no one ever listens to me

halloween?

no

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 00:51:40 GMT

i dont even know what to say . seriously . i dont like how things are right now. someone come and sweep me off of my feet please.

names

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 00:51:12 GMT

this is the rundown on my life right now ;;

people walk all over me and treat me like fucking shit. my 'friends' make fun of me and call me jew , and hobbit . stop making fun of me , i dont fucking like it and it may be funny to you , but i doesnt feel good inside . i try to enter a group of friends and it always fails , i never have one group of friends that even like me or will call me to hang out or call me when theyre bored or anything . ive never had a friend call me to hangout before . it always feels like im the third whee; , no one ever talks to me when were all together and the only way i get them to notice me is when i make a funny comment. im a human fucking doormat. people treat me like shit . little does anyone know , my fucking family life sucks my dad beats the shit out of me emotionally and he tries to win me over by taking me out to dinner and it never works. they let me out late and act all awesome around everyone else but all they do is yell at me when i get home. news flash DO YOU WONDER WHY I DO THE THINGS I DO PEOPLE . god seriously.

someone treat me with respect.

yiddish word of the day

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 04:09:24 GMT

SCHOOL YEAH BORING.

after school and tonight , did alot of nothing . im quitting smoking november first . for serious now. tonight was really fun for SOME reason . minus anna not feeling too good for a little while , i care about her alot and it hurt to see her so upset . anna feel better i love you babygirlie . things got better and we drove around and shit .

shmutz

today

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 01:03:49 GMT

was an average day

after this pack of cigarettes , with me luck , im quitting bitches!

skdjhf

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 01:08:19 GMT

shit sucks , these entrys are so fuckin bipolar, i miss kim too much , she keeps me sane . my schoolwork is spiraling down i cant concentrate and i just sleep because i couldnt the night before . someone cheer me up

boy , sweep me off my feel

looking forward to :
kim
rock for darfur
boy

ya

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 02:11:32 GMT

kim came over today , it was pleasant . still not feeling THAT much better but it made life so good when i saw her.

she makes me sane

school does not

i dont wanna go tomorrow but i hate missing shit

i

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 03:59:03 GMT

cant take this , constant mood swing i call life.

seriously i can be happy one minute then be hysterically crying .

this hurts too much.

someone come and sweep me off my feet.

i needed to just get this out and not for attention , im not telling anyone what happened so live with it.

wooh

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 01:57:56 GMT

happy now

uh

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 22:20:33 GMT

saturday was haverford township day , it was fun , smoked. skatepark and skatium and driving back at the skatepark , i got some nice voicemails .. then didnt speak the rest of the night , sat behind a dumpster for an hour then walked to the park and mikes house then home and kim slept over , then today we went to the skatepark and baseball field. now im home with nothing to do , still kindof upset.

he

Sat, 07 Oct 2006 04:35:03 GMT

he told me to write about him , so i am . hi steve you're adorable!!!

oyae

Sat, 07 Oct 2006 03:32:18 GMT

school blah u know

went to wendys after school then skatepark and jasons and out and yeah then skatium and skate park all night then i got high then we went back to the skatepark !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah word!!!!!!!

oye

Fri, 06 Oct 2006 01:16:54 GMT

school is blah

skate park

shopping with mommmmyyy!!!!!!!!!!!

got a new outfit and shoesies

editt;;

yeah so its tomorrow but not idno its friday woowoowoo

im so happy , i just have a happy feeling

someone comment this?

oi

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 01:22:10 GMT

today , again fuck school i got assigned a fucking 7 page paper what tha fuck!!!!!!!!!!!

after school wewere at the corner and i was just laying and listening to the birth control conversation yeah it was so chill me just laying on cement. ipods broken fuck my life seriously ugh. yeah , then we drove to jasons then skate park and i was there till 830 yeah sup!

ohh boys!!!!!

todayyayaya

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 01:39:42 GMT

school yeah blah dont even remember it i care that much

after ,

jasons car
taco bell
skate park
porn@ my house , yeah you all missed out , sucks it sucked
drove around
skate park
chilled
drove around
back to skate park
attempt at going home
failed
skatium
home

righo

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 01:09:03 GMT

today was boring until about 3 , lauren came over then we went to the park for a few cigarettes. we came home , made some brownie batter hahahahahaha dont ask.

we went into the city to my mom moms appartment to break the fast it was so good.

then i came home , wrote an essay , now im watching degrassi , soooo goood !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xx

eh

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 04:01:19 GMT

RIP Shwank , i never met you but im sure you were awesome.

tonight , we were hanging out at the skate park and then danas mom said there was a fire , six people called us and said it was shwank , we watched for a little then hung at the sakte park for a few hours, cops were being asses and kicked us all out then we went to brookline and then the library , then we hung out and people showed up then mike me and will went to the park then home.

then i got online and talked , and my night got way worse

goodnight